- Life Goes On -

Do I care?

2011-05-02T00:01:00.003+08:00

Selfish. That's probably how I'd describe myself. I've always felt that I son't care enough for my friends, don't cherish my relationships. Once again, it's been proven true. For a dear friend to comfort me although she's being angry at me really makes me grateful to the LORD what a dear friend I have.

Dear Hui Ci, if you do ever see this, on this day that I didn't make the date again to the Zoo, to the movie...Sorry, for being such a poor friend that never seems to put in enough effort in keeping things going. Thank you, I love you, dear friend.
I Thank the LORD everytime, you're there and that He put you in my life.

It's over, or is it?

2010-11-26T17:25:00.002+08:00

Leaving for China soon. Leaving things undone. Wasting away.
Another year's to pass, the Day is coming.
Dying to self is SO difficult, carrying my cross daily feels like a chore...

BUT there's always a bright side to things.

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

I can only depend again, pray hard and try not to take the burden on my shoulders.
For the rest, just forget, then forgive, it'll not matter then.
Yeah, 2011, come right at me, God will lead my path safely but not without the obstacles.

My World

2010-08-09T11:57:00.002+08:00

My world ain't just round, please, stop revolving around them, around these ppl. Why am I feeling so indebted to them? Ridiculous lies, ridiculous reasons they give, unbelievable mouths that cannot speak the truth... On and on, on and on.

Cooperation isn't just about the surface, because of that two-faced E who spreads all the crap and turned everyone against me, you can't talk to me or reveal to me why you A******s hate me? I hate to be so coarse, seriously.

Phew, people's hearts are blind, yet I have no intention to save them, or Let God save them. Selfish me. Root of it all: I think the world is picking on me, and I question, "Where's God when I needed You?" I know the answer, really, that He has his own time, I am His child, He know's best when to pull me up, pull me out. Desperately need to depend on Him, yet I'm seeking the world. Sorry Lord, sorry everyone, sorry soul.

2010-06-23T00:07:00.002+08:00

Half a year since the start of 2010. Tired, wasting time, doing the wrong things again and again. Irony to what I've just learnt, to be in fear of God.
Speechless, Guilty, Empty. What else can I say to excuse myself? Nothing.

Hurt again, sometimes I really wish to do what I've been thinking, the wrong things that never should be done. It will feel sweet.I'll regret as well.

Give it up all over again, foolish thoughts I guess. Go on, persevere, GOD is with me.

Talking it out

2010-05-08T01:32:00.002+08:00

I'm not tough, I'm don't have a heart of stone. It's not that things don't hurt, but what's the point of hurting back. We talked it out, things are going downhill, but I feel relieved. More confused, more afraid, more than anything, I need God. This shepherd I have, please, pull me back, before anything bad happens to them. I guess I'll cry it out again. The smile may seem fake to you, but it's the only way I have, to stop myself (from hurting you), although you just feel it's irritating, but hahahahaha, i must. Even now, I don't know what happened. Sorry Lord, I was too impulse, I can't reverse history, so let me make up to them, although, I don't think I'll be able to endure, be patient, and endure, and Love. Try, try, with You, I no longer stand alone. Let's see.

PW grping out~

2010-04-21T15:13:00.002+08:00

Time flew, it's the 4th month in JC, in 2010.
As meaningless as ever, that I'm still living on, experiencing things that I'd hope I'd never experience again. Maybe it's just me, for always refraining, restricting, refining every single word I said, every single action I'd take.
As always, except for God alone, nobody I can reach, nobody again.
Maybe I should just do the same thing all over again, live the same life I led, give up the things I hate, push away every single thing that hurts or heal me.

Just shut myself in my little space.

Sadly, and yet fortunately, I can't. What would this new life be if I didn't look to the cross, didn't look to Christ, didn't see His Grace? Keep me steadfast in your love, oh LORD, as I stumble in this marathon of Life. Serve and Love. Amen.

2010-03-02T22:55:00.001+08:00

be Silent before God

It's 2010

2010-01-28T18:40:00.002+08:00

2010, and nearing the end of the January.
Time flies, now everyone is heading towards the route they chose.
有点感伤，好想你们，我们几时会再见？
No regrets please, just keep moving on, keep staying strong,
God will forever be with U, so lean on Him, depend on Him, Trust in Him fully.
The rest is to pray and feed, on the Bible.

Amen and With Love to everyone I so cherish.
Glor

A year since the last post!

2009-11-15T00:47:00.002+08:00

So long nvr post le.
Dunno wad to say......
A year has passed, many things have changed, o lvls r over!
Wanna eat thai tofu, wanna exercise n run, needa have God n only God =)

Another Birthday!

2008-11-09T15:26:00.002+08:00

Today's my mum's birthday! 9/11
Doesn't the date sound familliar, ha, today is Nov 9, not sept 11.
Just being crappy =p, experienced another trauma over the midnight incident,
kept crying when talking to JY, hope its not intentional or I might never forgive him.
Deleted all my novels, hope it helps in curbing my usage of comp!
That's all for today, at 3.30pm

Change

2008-10-23T23:35:00.001+08:00

The only unchanging thing is change.
I want to change, obviously for the better, but doing it is so hard.
My 15th birthday coming soon, that will be the start I hope!

Tired again

2008-09-15T00:06:00.002+08:00

Oh Lord, I feel so tired, its not that I don't sleep but i really can't sleep.
Haix, I'm so tired of life, I wish I am not in this world. Still, I can't escape from the troubles of this world. I can't change yet I want to change. I know I am limited, I want to depend on you Lord, but I just cannot rely on you completely, its really contradictory. I Pray Lord, please help me, let me depend on You always,
In Jesus' Name I pray,
Amen

The Story of Hagar

2008-06-30T22:52:00.003+08:00

"You are precious and honored in my sight..." (Isaiah 43:4a, NIV).

Personal:
I'm thankful for God's presence in my life as there were a few times when I was really depressed. I felt uncared for in the world and life was so stressful at these points I felt like breaking down. Most of the time would pull at my hair or hit my head but there were times I felt so depressed I wanted to commit suicide. I almost took pills but it was at this moment where I would feel God's hands pulling me back to the right track, healing my wounds and comfort me. Treasure your life, its worth more than you expect!

My Prayer:
Heavenly Father
In times when I feel hurt,
You'll always notice me.
Thank you for comforting me,
even though I so do not deserve Your love.
In Jesus Name I pray
Amen

一个人

2008-06-28T14:19:00.002+08:00

在世上
是否会有一个人
在你开心时而欢笑
在你受伤时而担忧
在你寂寞时陪着你
在你悲伤时安慰你

虽然我不能时时刻刻在你身旁
我仍然会把心系在你身上
和你度过人生的起伏
你的喜怒哀乐中
在我想你时
一起牵手
因你是
我所
爱

Start of School!

2008-06-23T00:54:00.003+08:00

A New Day, A New Beginning, looking forward to school, anyone?
Perhaps at this moment, many of us are busy rushing your work at the last minute, hoping to finish it before school, burning midnight oil, only to find yourself sleeping in class the next day.
So, WAKE UP PEOPLE! Stop this routine this Semester, let's try doing our homework way before you're supposed to hand it in. If you do so, you'll find yourself really at ease, not bothered by the piles of homework you see on your desk. Plan ahead, have a timetable, I'm doing it and so can you! Don't waste time anymore, every second is never the same XD

我快窒息了

2008-06-20T00:23:00.005+08:00

小时候，我以为自己很聪明，家中最聪明的，所以总是爱把头抬的高高地，傲视整个世界。
随着年龄的增长，我发现原来自己不够聪明，IQ不高不低，但父母对我期望却很高。

小六会考，看到成绩时，哭了，认为自己好失败，事后两年，曾经想过自杀，常常因为一些小事，比如功课不会做，不见东西，而抓狂，大力敲打我的头，撕扯头发，或打或捏自己，直到红肿，也没有人注意到。

数学成绩不及格，对我是个沉重的打击，父母以为是我不用功，但我真的不明白老师在说什么，
不能体谅我也罢，总是摆出一副“肯定又没努力读书”的样子，让我好不沮丧。

假期到了，功课又如泰山压顶，把我淹没，时间表排得很满，还要去OBS。
明明自己的确很忙，他们却认为我恨空闲，家务都要我做，有时没看到，就说我整天在家，还不做家务，根本是废人一个。

当时我很伤心，决定绝对不为自己在掉一滴眼泪，怎么今天又落泪了，不要再逼我，我承受不了，感觉快要窒息了，真想抛下一切，一了百了，或许会更好过。

不能爱上你（格斗天王）

2008-06-15T14:01:00.004+08:00

请你不要对我这么好，你的温柔体贴，我承受不起。
我不能与你相恋，因为我认为[世上没有永远的爱情，只有永远的伤害。]
我害怕的不是爱情，而是恐惧当我爱得太深，无法自拔时，那心碎的一刻。
远离你是我唯一的选择，所以放手吧，忘了我，你会找得到更好的女人。

OBS!

2008-06-14T01:21:00.003+08:00

Went for three days......

1st Day, I learnt many things, like pitching tents,packing food and trust. There was this "trust fall" where I really had to trust my watch "Hillary" so that I won't fall, scary...but fun, still not enough confidence in them yet =). Then we had belaying practice. Hanging on at the top was a huge challenge while waiting for them to be ready. Then we had pitching tents, my first time! It was pretty easy for the dome tent =). Suddenly, we had this emergency bell ringing, everyone ran to the assembly ground, but it was too slow, esp. if it was a real emergency. Our watch forgot to bring our medical pouch. Being late for sleep also got our watch scolded, Hillary, was termed noisiest at night for the 1st night =) Didn't manage to sleep lolx.

2nd Day, was trekking and kayak practice. Rain affected the practice and trekking. Kayaking is really tiring with the maneuvering and rowing. I partnered with Yee Khang, i very scared of the capsize practice but managed to overcome it with encouragement from Hilary, lost my specs when I capsized lolx. Stepped into mud...but overall a fun day, had sentry duty to look out for wild boars XD, at 5+am suddenly got the Muslim
prayer i think, at 1st we tot wild boar, so scary!
Some funny things that happened was the Attack of the Army Ants, sleep talking and stories,jokes etc. at the Land of Wild Boar.

3rd Day, more trekking. Got lost...we had to persevere on with the tent bags and haversack, it was like Mt Everest. Still as a watch termed after Sir Edmund Hillary, we reached the quarry. Our raft failed in the end lolx. We jumped into the cool water and dunked each other. It was a relief for us to enjoy it as we didn't bathe the day b4. Then, we got back on shore and trekked to Camp 1 where we ate the Cook House. All the Co ppl(including me) packed their things and left the next day because we had performance on Sat 7June.

What no bus! That was what all of us tot after getting back to Mainland Singapore. There was supposed to be a bus taking us back to school. A relay msg was sent b4 the trip that the bus would reach punggol jetty after lunch, so thank God jasmin brought
her hp and contacted the seniors, if not we wouldn't know that hey, the school didn't ask for a bus to pick us up. Some of us don't even have money to take the bus, so it was really inconsiderate of them, still I'm glad many of us took out money to help each other get home =) Immediately fell aslp once I reach home and that's the end of my Obs trip!

Cheering Comp!

2008-05-14T20:51:00.002+08:00

T2 amigos was really good, very impressive esp. as its the 1st performance. Surprised my class gt in the finals as the other classes were really betta than our class. Well, we'll work harder for the finals! Thx Ms Aza for ur support!

风和爱

2008-05-10T22:38:00.004+08:00

风，无所不在，虽看不见，但处处都感觉得到，淡淡地，却温暖人心。
爱，延伸至世界的地极，无穷无尽，有如风那般，如沐春风，让人的心情舒畅。

Sports Day!

2008-05-07T17:03:00.006+08:00

Woots! End of MYE le =) Today is Sports Day but..... after only a few games of V-ball, floorball,soccer and Cap's Ball, it started to rain heavily so we had to stop the games. We then watched part one and two of The Bourne Series Movie. It's action-packed and exciting but most of us were dozing off because of the rain. At 11plus, the rain finally stopped and games resumed. Still, the activities dragged on till about 2.30pm before the last games ended. Overall, its quite a fun day and if I manage to get any pics I might upload =). Quite disappointed with the Sportsmanship of a certain class who when playing cap's ball played foul. They were like pushing ppl with their body and one girl was the most rough, knocking ppl and pulling our hands away so we could not get the ball. Their supporters also laughed at our Class Name. In the end they lost. Haix, but other than this, the other classes definitely won uprightly =)

没有尽头的路

2008-04-07T22:34:00.003+08:00

没有尽头的路(转)

我们颓废的过这日子，没有选择。
我混过了初二那段最难熬的日子，忙过了期末考试，没有心跳的准备进入初三，
然后再在父母的逼迫下认真预习巩固。“死都给我考进高中，不然你给我滚！！！”父母这么告诉我。
我微笑，我发现，我不再爱哭泣。
我不明白，为什么一定要进高中，难道读书真的是唯一的出路吗？
我只想用我自己的方式过自己的生活，我渴望轻狂放纵。
我努力学习绘画，我想画出属于我自己的游戏人物；
我喜欢闻药草的清苦，我想去配药捏药丸，然而我无能为力。
我一定会读高中，然后是大学，然后上班，努力工作但求温饱，然后死掉，我走完了这条路。

巧遇某个陌生人，穷困潦倒，她是街头艺人。
我问她，走这条路你后悔吗？她摇头：“我要反抗现实！我要用我自己的方式活下去，
哪怕一辈子孤单贫穷，堕落颓废！”我不再说话，她给了我她的邮箱，
然后微笑着为自己点燃一只烟，说：“你不同，你要背负的太多，所以不要尝试。”

我明白，我不可以喝酒抽烟，因为爸爸会打断我的腿；我不可以现在谈恋爱，因为妈妈会打断我的腿。
我只能违背自己的意愿，拿着枯燥的教科书，我知道，我在走一条正确但我不爱的路。
姐姐高我一年，考进市重点，优异的成绩是她的光环，可我突然不为她高兴了，
她已完全被腐化，我不再去她家，我讨厌没有独立思想的人。

我喜欢那些所谓的“痞子”，所谓的“没出息”的人，我崇拜向权威向命运挑战的人，
至少他们是有独立思想的人。可笑，我将来走的却是和他们背驰的路。
但我不明白，为什么人们总一味的批判那些走自己人生道路的人，或许他们有的没有出息，
有的穷困潦倒，有的堕落颓废，但他们真的无可救药吗？他们走的路真的该被唾弃吗？

我带着自己已死的信仰，青春，梦想，一夜苍老。
或许那些人走的那条路到不了回不去，但也会快乐，
而像我或者我姐姐即使走到了路的尽头，我们也不会快乐。

给抽烟的女孩

2008-04-07T22:27:00.003+08:00

给抽烟的女孩(转)

不知道听谁说过，没有伤痕的女孩是不会爱上吸烟的...
我想一个没有受过伤害的女人也是不会爱上烟的。
烟是对那些美好细节的缅怀。
做着一个神情忧郁的女子，坐在这个春天忧郁的场景里吸烟的姿势，
总是让她有一种说不出的酸涩。
我猜想此时此刻，她内心的疼痛，正象蓝玫瑰一样绽放。
烟是短暂的，所有销魂的东西，都是短暂的，而美丽也因为短暂而更加美丽。
受一点点伤，就会哭泣，那是单纯的少女，但是吸烟的女人却不会轻易哭泣，
选择了烟，也就选择了一种绝美。

爱是一种伤害，但女人们却在伤害中寻找快乐。
烟也是一种伤害，但同时，烟又让女人忘记了伤害。
如果说，不吸烟的女人是一抹胭脂红，那么吸的女人就是一朵曼陀罗。
烟渐渐飘散，飘不散的是风情和幻想。
一支烟。对于女人来说，究竟意味着什么？
或许是情欲的颠峰，或许是分手的凄恻。没有伤害的爱是不完整的。
想起或者忘记那些爱过的和伤过的人，都需要烟。
烟不是一种生理需要，烟是一种心理需要。
长长的，细细的，烟在清滢动人的纤指之间燃烧，如同那深蓝色的指甲，
有一点深邃，有一点慵懒，有一点妩媚，有一点温婉，还有一点迷情。
一支烟，更象是一种别离。

坐在可以听见雷声的宿舍里，散发着恬淡的芬芳。
吸烟的女人，内心冰凉如面一朵凌霄花。
一本发黄的书，一瓶科罗纳，一句让人心跳的诗，带回了那羞涩的少女时代,
那时，什么都不懂，生活里只有浅兰色的梦。
背影，如同一朵迷情的云，让多少风停止歌唱。
那时候，为书中的故事，流下了多少可爱的泪水。
可现在，在也不会了，因为她自己也成了故事里的人物。
人们的说话声，使她感到不安。没有将烟抽完，就起身离去，脚步很轻，姿势轻的象一阵风。
然后，消失在四月的天空里，没有痕迹...

灰色花朵

2008-04-07T22:14:00.001+08:00

灰色花朵(转)

总是很久以后才明白
回过头
却已经错过
不知道自己想要的到底
那些曾让我心动的事物已经没有了
那种曾经激动，心跳的感觉已经似乎好遥远～～
只能从回忆理去寻找～～
就算是高考，我忽然也觉得无所谓
没有什么事让我提的起很大的兴趣
这种感觉有点可怕
灰色
适合现在的我
迷茫～～～
怀念那些美好的曾经

Sports Carnival

2008-04-07T22:05:00.002+08:00

Had to wake up at 5+ am to reach the CCAB....Juz vry thankful to Ms Aza for treating us to breakfast. Went to play BBall matches, had a fall T.T , Still it was fun and our class was really united! We cheered for each other XD. Definitely an exciting day for me, then had lunch with Hui Ci, Lynn, Yi Tian at Coronation Plaza. Hw I miss the iced milo & lemon chicken rice there, unfortunately haix, had a stomachache so didn't really eat much, what a waste =.= !

House T-shirts!

2008-04-02T22:36:00.002+08:00

Finally, after many days of wait, I got my hse T (red, blue). It was SWEET! I love our red hse T for my class =) its the fav of the school XD! Ours was on teamwork, definitely true for my class, which is considerably united in a CERTAIN way =). The awaited Sports Carnival coming up, with BB, VB, NB and soccer comp, AAHHH, I just wish that time would go faster! gotta go :D

失去的爱

2008-03-30T23:25:00.002+08:00

很久以前
有两个小孩
一个男孩
一个女孩
很巧的
他们在同一个学校上课
他们也住得很靠近
自然地
他们便一起走回家

一路上
他们互相追逐嬉戏
男生总是很快便抓到女孩
到了女孩抓男孩时
每当女孩要放弃时
男生总会慢下来
让女孩又充满希望地追起男孩

时间久了
他们也变得密不可分
天天腻在一起

就这样过了三年
女孩总觉得
他们之间的距离越来越远
似乎不可能回到从前了
男生也不再与女孩玩耍
甚至见面时
也忽视女孩的喊叫声
女孩不敢相信
这是从小与她嬉戏的青梅竹马

女孩伤心欲绝
决定离去
不久后
女孩因天资高而转校

男孩知道消息后
才发现其实
他喜欢上了女孩
只是害怕伤害
而自私地离开女孩

其实，往往最爱我们的人就在身旁，只是自己忽略了他们的存在。
直道他们离开了我们，心痛过，才想到要珍惜这失去的爱。
没爱过又怎么知道一定会痛，尝试去爱别人，或许会更幸福.....

淡紫色的梦

2008-03-30T23:11:00.002+08:00

淡紫色的梦(转)

有个女孩喜欢淡紫色

也喜欢做梦

她把所有的梦都写在淡紫色的纸上

散发着淡淡的清香

女孩将纸折成纸鹤

纸鹤载着女孩的梦

女孩的梦锁在纸鹤里

有一天

女孩放飞了纸鹤

满天星光的夜晚

纸鹤飞向天空

女孩知道它会飞得很远

会把女孩的梦告诉每一个人

她要把淡紫色的梦

永远留在淡紫色的回忆里