Do I care?

Selfish. That's probably how I'd describe myself. I've always felt that I son't care enough for my friends, don't cherish my relationships. Once again, it's been proven true. For a dear friend to comfort me although she's being angry at me really makes me grateful to the LORD what a dear friend I have.

Dear Hui Ci, if you do ever see this, on this day that I didn't make the date again to the Zoo, to the movie...Sorry, for being such a poor friend that never seems to put in enough effort in keeping things going. Thank you, I love you, dear friend.
I Thank the LORD everytime, you're there and that He put you in my life.

It's over, or is it?

Leaving for China soon. Leaving things undone. Wasting away.
Another year's to pass, the Day is coming.
Dying to self is SO difficult, carrying my cross daily feels like a chore...

BUT there's always a bright side to things.

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

I can only depend again, pray hard and try not to take the burden on my shoulders.
For the rest, just forget, then forgive, it'll not matter then.
Yeah, 2011, come right at me, God will lead my path safely but not without the obstacles.

My World

My world ain't just round, please, stop revolving around them, around these ppl. Why am I feeling so indebted to them? Ridiculous lies, ridiculous reasons they give, unbelievable mouths that cannot speak the truth... On and on, on and on.

Cooperation isn't just about the surface, because of that two-faced E who spreads all the crap and turned everyone against me, you can't talk to me or reveal to me why you A******s hate me? I hate to be so coarse, seriously.

Phew, people's hearts are blind, yet I have no intention to save them, or Let God save them. Selfish me. Root of it all: I think the world is picking on me, and I question, "Where's God when I needed You?" I know the answer, really, that He has his own time, I am His child, He know's best when to pull me up, pull me out. Desperately need to depend on Him, yet I'm seeking the world. Sorry Lord, sorry everyone, sorry soul.

Half a year since the start of 2010. Tired, wasting time, doing the wrong things again and again. Irony to what I've just learnt, to be in fear of God.
Speechless, Guilty, Empty. What else can I say to excuse myself? Nothing.

Hurt again, sometimes I really wish to do what I've been thinking, the wrong things that never should be done. It will feel sweet.I'll regret as well.

Give it up all over again, foolish thoughts I guess. Go on, persevere, GOD is with me.

Talking it out

I'm not tough, I'm don't have a heart of stone. It's not that things don't hurt, but what's the point of hurting back. We talked it out, things are going downhill, but I feel relieved. More confused, more afraid, more than anything, I need God. This shepherd I have, please, pull me back, before anything bad happens to them. I guess I'll cry it out again. The smile may seem fake to you, but it's the only way I have, to stop myself (from hurting you), although you just feel it's irritating, but hahahahaha, i must. Even now, I don't know what happened. Sorry Lord, I was too impulse, I can't reverse history, so let me make up to them, although, I don't think I'll be able to endure, be patient, and endure, and Love. Try, try, with You, I no longer stand alone. Let's see.

PW grping out~

Time flew, it's the 4th month in JC, in 2010.
As meaningless as ever, that I'm still living on, experiencing things that I'd hope I'd never experience again. Maybe it's just me, for always refraining, restricting, refining every single word I said, every single action I'd take.
As always, except for God alone, nobody I can reach, nobody again.
Maybe I should just do the same thing all over again, live the same life I led, give up the things I hate, push away every single thing that hurts or heal me.

Just shut myself in my little space.

Sadly, and yet fortunately, I can't. What would this new life be if I didn't look to the cross, didn't look to Christ, didn't see His Grace? Keep me steadfast in your love, oh LORD, as I stumble in this marathon of Life. Serve and Love. Amen.

be Silent before God